im writing in this simply because im pretty sure no one reads it anymore. so here goes.

im confused because he confuses me.

im scared because he scares me.

im worried because he worrys me.

im sad because he makes me sad.

i cried because he lied.

i smile because he makes me smile.

im happy because he makes me happy.

im lost because he doesnt know how to find me.

im writing this here because i know he will never find it.

What if more people made the places they ARE the places they WANT TO BE? It’s not so hard.

i havent been here in a long time. just know im beginning to rebuld myself. step one: find a hoobie. check. i know your asking your self what it is. heres a hint...

 yeah i know excitiment.

[why cant you walk where im going?]

im just a fast food knight

<~~ yeah that means im sad!!!

he really has no clue as too how much i miss him. i think about him all teh time

sara told me to update so i guess im updating. even though i dislike this mindsay journal alot, i liek my livejournal a lot better. um.. ill tell you about something that happened to me yesterday night...

it happened again. i had one of those dreams. i hate when it happens.when you have someone, and in your dream they love you and you love them. and your happy and you feel compelte and it feels so real. and then you wake up and you feel alone and dicontent because you miss them and they're not there. and you still love them.

i really hate when that happens. it changes you for the whole day and its making me sad right now just thinking about it. im in english class and im bored. someone fix it...

i was a different person today. i changed today, for the better i'd like to think. i wish i knew what i was looking for. i wish i knew how to make myslef happy. i wish someone would help me find it. i wanna be with you.

i really hate it when you dont know who you are or what your living for. i dont want to lose this

white falls from the sky and i have no where to go. i want someone to share it with. i want to be with someone right now, in this moment. i wish i was high right now. sadly, im alone.

ive been thinking alot lately, and writing. i want to start drawing again. i think i will go do that now.

memories racing through the pages of my mind

FIRSTS

First job: bar-t

First screen name: sillyguber [back when i had aol]

First kiss: i have declaired myself a born again virgin, so i ahvent had my first kiss yest. haha

First self purchased CD: oh shit i dont remember

First funeral: my grandmothers

First piercing/tattoo: i have yet to get either

First credit card: never

First true love: agree with sofi "what is love?"

First big trip: disneyland?

First concert: um....

First musician you remember hearing in your house: elvis


LASTS

Last big car ride: to virgina beach

Last kiss: hahaha

Last library book checked out: i havent been to a library in so long

Last movie seen: i just watched office space

Last beverage drank: pepsi

Last food consumed: tofu

Last phone call: jameson

Last CD played: msi

Last annoyance: i do not let things annoy me, life too short for that

Last soda drank: pepsi

Last ice cream eaten: eh dont know

Last time scolded: today?

Last shirt worn: the shirt im wearing. its green!

Last website visited: livejournal.com



I

I am... the casie

I want... you to come back and sit with me

I have... wonderful friends

I wish... i knew something! anything!

I hate... nothing

I fear... bees

I hear... silence

I search... for a reason to live, a reason to get up in the morning

I wonder... what are you thinking?

I regret... "mistakes dont mean a thing if you dont regret them"

I love... sitting on top of school buildings in cold weather under a sleeping bag with you watching the sun rise at 6 oclock in the morning

I ache... when im sick.

I always... eat too much

I am not... sad

I dance... to queen's "break free"

I sing... to songs? i cant sing

I cry... not anymore

I am not always...

I write... whenever i can

I win... worlds most confused person

I lose... many things?

I confuse... myself

I get confused by... you

I need... to be happy



YES or NO:

Do you keep a diary: unfortunitly

Do you like to cook: yes!

Have you a secret you haven't shared with anyone else: of course.



DO YOU...?

Have a boyfriend: no

Want to get married: hmm

Get motion sickness: yes

Think you're a health freak: no

Get along with your parents: sometimes

Like thunderstorms: yes!



FAVORITE:

Number: 5, 15

Colour: green

Day: everyday!

Month: every month!

Songs: one of my favorite songs of all time is "3 libras" by apc but i have way too many to name. oh and "just like heaven" by the cure

Season: any season.. winter cuz it snows

Drink: i like swiss miss a lot



PREFERENCES:

Cuddle or make out: how about just being with someone, why do we have to do either.

Chocolate milk or hot chocolate: hot

Milk, dark or white chocolate: eh

Vanilla or chocolate: greman chocolate



WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...

Cried? not in a long time

Helped someone? yesterday at work

Bought something? i rarely have money to buy things

Gone to the movies? a few weeks ago

Gone out to eat? who knows

Said 'I love you'? i dont say that

Written a love letter: ....

Talked to an ex? today

Missed an ex? ehh

Written in a journal? a few days ago

Had a serious talk? today with mamma karen

Missed someone? right now

Hugged someone? about 30 minutes ago

Fought with your parents? im sure we fought today

Fought with a friend? i dont know thats a rarity



WOULD YOU EVER

1. Eat a bug? haha

2. Bungee jump? yes!

4. Kill someone? no, everyone has the right to live and be happy

5. Kiss someone of the same sex? no

6. Have sex with someone of the same sex? with a chick? no way

7. Parachute from a plane? definitly

8. Walk on hot coals? i dont think so

9. Go out with someone for their looks? no. never. but im going to be honest, i dont think a relationship woudl work if i wasnt phyically atracted to them.

11. Be a vegetarian? i am

12. Wear plaid with stripes? ive done that

13. IM a stranger? sure

14. Sing Karaoke? i cant sing

15. Get drunk off your Ass? hahaha.. the fence

16. Shoplift? i have/do

17. Run a red light? yeah

18. Star in a porn video? no

19. Dye your hair blue? dotn temp me

20. Be on Survivor? no

21. Wear makeup in public? sure why not?

22. Cheat on a test? i have to

23. Make someone cry? i woudlnt want too

24. Date someone more than 10 years older than you? no

25. Stay up all night? mhmm. i have and i do

i just wanted to pass this on, then im am done with mindsay. not like it matters.

http://www.endhate.org/

please answer this, [anyone and everyone!!!]:

if you were going to die tomorrow. if you only had one phone call to make, who would you call ? and what would you say? and why are you waiting

 Hey. Could we do that again? I know we haven't met, but I don't want to be an ant. You know? I mean, it's like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner. "Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?' "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I don't want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don't want to give that up. I don't want to be ant, you know?

I wonder what would happen if suddenly everyone knew your most hidden secret.

I think I would be so happy I'd pee in my pants.

whats so wrong with being happy?

i suggest we learn to love ourselves before its made illegal